Anytime we do something that strays from social norms, on some deep fundamental level, it registers as a threat to our survival. Those visceral reactions are triggered automatically, and are beyond words and logic. Even if we’re lucky enough to live within communities that accept who we are, there can often be a certain hypervigilance that stays in the background - a subconscious need to “look over our shoulder”. Non-traditional relationships have this added layer of strain that can complicate matters, and it’s worth helping your body move through that survival response – so that everything else can be seen more clearly.

Some non-traditional relationships are inherently more physical in nature, especially when it comes to kink. There’s more space for layered conflict and misunderstandings, not only between the participants – but even within ourselves. Your mind might want to say “yes” to something that your body says “no” to, and the reverse could also be true – your body might have impulses that your mind won’t allow to move through (for a variety of good reasons). Since so much of the relational space is non-verbal, the body is the domain where all of these conflicts play out - therefore it’s essential that these patterns are worked with on the level of the body.

The way we relate to anyone is highly reflexive and instinctive, it’s a unique meeting of two nervous systems that co-create their own rhythm. Non-monogamous relationships can create internal conflict that stems from wanting some sense of consistency across our relationships – it might feel strange that certain feelings or impulses are available in one relationship, but not another. Somatic work can help us move through that tension with more grace and authenticity, and create a better sense of how our animal body reacts to each of the people we relate to (at whatever depth).

Some relational drives and preferences are deeply subconscious, and can’t actually be easily communicated - nor can they be reasoned with. Yet we can still come into contact with them through bodily sensation, affect, imagery, impulses to move toward or away from something, etc. If you’re working with patterns or strong reactions that “make no sense”, somatic work can help you process those - without having to make sense of them.

Our nervous system regulation depends on our ability to sense safety, yet the usual markers of relational safety (eg. exclusivity, cohabitation, being the default partner for all important events, open availability, etc.) are not available in different relationship arrangements. Somatic work allows us to find a felt sense of personal safety outside of our relationships, which in turn creates space for us to find relational safety in the unique ways that are available in our relationships.

People in non-traditional relationships are exposed to contexts that are more complex and multifaceted, and there are simply more opportunities for various triggers. From dungeons and play parties to running into a meta at a grocery store, there might be many instances that require skillful self-advocacy, awareness, and regulation. Somatic work can help to develop all of that, so you can feel more clear and confident in a wide variety of settings.

Our bodies and subconscious minds might be steeped in a lifetime of values and ideals that don’t match our own. Even if we’re intellectually in full alignment with what we’re doing, there might still be parts of us that carry shame, guilt, fear, and anxiety - and actively hold us back from fully releasing into the life we know we’re meant to live. Those parts are often subconscious, and show up as physiological tension and unease – somatic work and hypnotherapy offer great ways of integrating those parts of ourselves, so that all of you can be on the same team & headed in the same direction.